I watch a lot of horror movies.  Smoosh that together with my hatred for long-winded reviews that explain the plot for five paragraphs before getting to the meat and potatoes of the review.  What do you have?

The bite-sized horror movie review, wherein I spend no more than a paragraph telling you if a movie is worth watching or not.  For my first review, I chose something I viewed about 1 year ago:  Bitten.

I lovingly bestow onto Bitten, three out of five screaming monkey heads.

Three screaming monkey heads may be just a bit generous for this one, but what can I say, for all its flaws the movie manages to entertain. There’s really not much going on here. A paramedic, played by Jason Mewes (Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame), finds a woman covered in blood in the alley near his house. Being a paramedic, he tries to help her. She turns out being a newly turned vampire, and his new girlfriend. The premise sets up a handful of funny situations, as well as gory situations. I didn’t find the gore over the top as it was mostly a lot of fake blood. Erica Cox (the vampire) manages to be in her underwear or naked for a large portion of the movie, which always helps when its a B-horror. All in all, if you’re a fan of Mewes, copious amounts of cursing, or b-horror, give this a watch.

Next time, I’ll review The Cook.

Maybe.