I woke up this morning with an itchy ear. I shoved my pinky into the hole and worked it around, trying to relieve the tickling sensation, but it proved just out of reach. To the bathroom mirror I went, moving my jaw around as if trying to make my ears pop after a long flight. In the bathroom, I turned my head and peered into the hollow crevice, only it wasn’t hollow anymore. There was a green thing squirming around in my ear.
I pushed away from the mirror. I almost panicked. *Almost* because I remembered what month it is. I smiled and checked my ear again. Yup, just as I thought. The green thing, the thing tickling my inner ear, it’s just a pumpkin vine. It’s October, remember.
The first time it happened, I freaked out big time. I thought there were bugs laying eggs in my brain. I thought worms were crawling out of my ears. I thought I was going to die. Boy what a dope I was.
Pumpkin Brain is nothing to worry about, and in fact, it has plenty of benefits to outweigh the minor symptoms. The symptoms of course are itchy-ear, unsightly vines wriggling from my ears, and uncontrollable Jack-o-lanternism (spontaneous candle-lighting).
On the flip side, every morning I awake to roasted pumpkin seeds on my pillow (shaken loose overnight). Then there’s the constant aroma of baking pumpkin pie. I fart atmospheric Halloween music and burp the theme song from Friday the 13th. I have perfect knowledge of everything Halloween. Seriously, ask me anything.
A murder of crows constantly follows me around all October. Scarecrows come to life and do my bidding (mostly on ebay.) Maybe best of all, witches find me irresistible.
So if you see me walking around this fine October, please don’t stare. I’m merely afflicted with Pumpkin Brain, or Halloween Madness. And I’m sensitive about it.