Halloween Madness

Posted on: October 5th, 2011 by Anthony Rapino 6 Comments

I woke up this morning with an itchy ear.  I shoved my pinky into the hole and worked it around, trying to relieve the tickling sensation, but it proved just out of reach.  To the bathroom mirror I went, moving my jaw around as if trying to make my ears pop after a long flight.  In the bathroom, I turned my head and peered into the hollow crevice, only it wasn’t hollow anymore.  There was a green thing squirming around in my ear.

I pushed away from the mirror.  I almost panicked.  *Almost* because I remembered what month it is.  I smiled and checked my ear again.  Yup, just as I thought.  The green thing, the thing tickling my inner ear, it’s just a pumpkin vine.  It’s October, remember.

I have Pumpkin Brain.

The first time it happened, I freaked out big time.  I thought there were bugs laying eggs in my brain.  I thought worms were crawling out of my ears.  I thought I was going to die.  Boy what a dope I was.

Pumpkin Brain is nothing to worry about, and in fact, it has plenty of benefits to outweigh the minor symptoms.  The symptoms of course are itchy-ear, unsightly vines wriggling from my ears, and uncontrollable Jack-o-lanternism (spontaneous candle-lighting).

On the flip side, every morning I awake to roasted pumpkin seeds on my pillow (shaken loose  overnight).  Then there’s the constant aroma of baking pumpkin pie.  I fart atmospheric Halloween music and burp the theme song from Friday the 13th.  I have perfect knowledge of everything Halloween.  Seriously, ask me anything.

A murder of crows constantly follows me around all October.  Scarecrows come to life and do my bidding (mostly on ebay.)  Maybe best of all, witches find me irresistible.

So if you see me walking around this fine October, please don’t stare.  I’m merely afflicted with Pumpkin Brain, or Halloween Madness.  And I’m sensitive about it.

 

 

Pictures sourced from Masterpiece Pumpkins and Buzznet (Addicted to Jane).

6 Responses

  1. DRC says:

    Ha! What a funny post. And I LOVE that pumpkin. I might try and be adventurous in my designs this year…mwah ha ha ha…

    • Thanks! Yeah, every year I think I’m going to try something unique with my pumpkins, and then I just go for the traditional gap-toothed grin.

  2. Indigo says:

    This gave me a jack-o-latern smile! Definitely getter a few pumpkins to carve this year. Haven’t in the past few. You my dear man take the hallow out of ween and fill it to bursting with rotten pumpkin guts ( a good thing if I do say so myself). (Hugs)Indy

    • You should definitely get pumpkins this year. I never miss a year.

  3. Indigo says:

    Getter? Someone’s must have been chomping down on my brain.

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